If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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