it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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