I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
