With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
