my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
