Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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