You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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