Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we should paint friendship bongs
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