my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
