Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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