going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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