He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize