The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
