I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
