you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
