I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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