So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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