His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
