I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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