my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
