You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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