we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
