i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
