I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
