i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
