in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
