How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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