sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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