maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
