I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
