how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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