i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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