haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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