I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
