You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
