the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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