Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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