Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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