Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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