I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?