U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My balls are so social today.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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