Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to