Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
