he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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