So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
