connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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