Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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