We won't sleep together?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
