its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
