I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
