She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
