Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
