dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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