I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
