its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
