i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
