I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
