This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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