does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
