If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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