Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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