From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
