i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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