Im at strip club and am horny
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
