fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
