did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
