If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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