It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it's like heaven, but drunker
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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