So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
