he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
