She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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