a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
